End of Chapter

I need to forget, forget, FORGET!

Lahat ng masamang tumatakbo sa isip ko, dapat mawala na.

Ayoko na isipin si JXXXXX, ang girlfriend n’ya, o ang nanay n’ya. Ayoko na maalala lahat ng masamang nangyari sa aming dalawa. Ayoko na maalala ‘yung mga panahong aming pinagsamahan.

Gusto ko na matuto sa lahat ng mga nangyari. Gusto ko na magbago. Gusto ko na maging matured ako.

Pagod na ako mag-invest ng time and effort and money sa taong hindi ako kayang intindihin..

Ayoko makita ka sa panaginip ko. Ayoko [na ulit] maramdaman ang galit na pinaramdam mo sa’kin. Sawa na ako. Sawang-sawa na ako.

Gusto ko na maging maligaya. Gusto ko ng tahimik na buhay. Pero kumusta naman ang tadhana? Ang dami surprises sa’kin. Kung kelan akala ko makakalaya na ako, mas lalo ako nilugmok sa presong tinuri ko na tahanan.

Magiging masaya pa nga ba ako? Mukhang kahit ano’ng gawin ko, malagim na disappointment ang kahahantungan.

Kahit sa trading hindi na ako umusad. Forever newbie na lang ba ako? Hindi ko ba magagamit ang oras ko para sa mga bagay na gusto ko?

 

*****

 

JXXXXX, kung napuntahan ba kita, tayo pa [ba]? Kung naging vocal ba ako, magiging masaya ka ba talaga? Minahal mo ba talaga ako? Pakiramdam ko kasi ginamit mo lang ako. Sa loob ng 3 taon, pinagsilbihan kita. Halos mawala na ang pagkakakilala ko sa sarili ko.

Minsan ba naisip mo na kumustahin ang tunay na ako? Sabi mo iintindihin mo ako. Umasa ako na ililigtas mo ako sa madilim ko na mundo. Pero ano’ng nangyari? Naghintay lang ako habang sarili mo lang ang inaasikaso mo.

Ang selfish ko ba? Masama ba ako na tao? Ano ba’ng ginawa ko na masama sa’yo? Sabi mo mahal na mahal mo ako pero hindi mo naman mapatunayan.

Alam mo, ang sakit-sakit malaman na matagal mo na ako’ng niloloko. Ni-wala ka man lang paramdam o pasabi, basta ganun na lang… nangyari na lang.

Ang tanga-tanga ko naman para magpa-uto sa’yo.

Alam ko na masaya ka sa kung ano’ng meron ka ngayon.

Sana maging masaya rin ako.

—AMS

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12 Zodiac Signs

  1. Aries
  2. Taurus
  3. Gemini
  4. Cancer
  5. Leo
  6. Virgo
  7. Libra
  8. Scorpio
  9. Sagittarius
  10. Capricorn
  11. Aquarius
  12. Pisces

New year. New Mindset.

2016 is over! Wow!

And now I have a new year to worry about. January starts off slow with me giving me time to think, ponder, wonder… figure out things. I’m still in the process of realizing which are important and not.

I read something about Mercury or Mars Retrograde and it is really affecting me. I’m not worried. I’m thankful, actually. I need the reset after last year’s activities. I was doing a lot of extroverted stuffs that I thought I wouldn’t do. But I did!

Guess I’ll just wait, waltz and enjoy whatever January has in store for me.

Junk: Succulent

So, I was trying to find hard-bound books in my shelf and my hand wandered on this one.

Succulent by Zane

Succulent by Zane

Whoa! You might be shocked to see something like this here as well. I mean, totally, a literary porn in my stash!? What the hell, right?

I remembered that a friend from college bought then left it here so I may read the book later.

Of course, I read it!

I’m not gonna lie, it is full of “things” and “stuffs” that career-wise people wouldn’t bother to read (or would prefer to!). I’m not repelled by it, I was just curious as well.

As it turned out, fanfictions are way more detailed and exhilarating compared with this one. I’m not saying that this book, this specific one, is not good and I’m also not saying that you should go ahead and read fanfictions over published ones, because, totally, the latter are better constructed than the prior, but I think it is very much enjoyable if you are reading a heated story about your two favorite fiction characters in the world compared on this collections. Well, the good thing about such collections is that it provides short stories on different subject, topics, and circumstances.